Very poignant artwork, Summer. Sounds familiar…like when I was so in love I stopped pursuing my Master’s, left Austin, and returned to the Midwest to a town smaller than the one I had escaped. It was all for love, and I had followed my heart. I’d like to think, to paraphrase U2, I’d be more “wide awake and not sleeping” if I were to make the decision again, but who knows? Life is a crazy, meandering road. Sometimes I just wish the “road(s) less traveled” that I had selected were the right untraveled roads! Perhaps they were.
I’m sorry to read this, Summer, and I sympathize. But please know that there is always a way back, if you want it enough. It’s the mind vs heart decisions… In the meantime, though, you are doing the only good thing, which is to make art. As Neil Gaiman says, whatever happens, “make good art.” I hope that one day you will look back and see the point of it all. And also, in the light of the world’s recent developments, just being alive (to witness the decay and the longing) seems like such a wonderful privilege.
Heaps of affection to you & the house & your gang.
Just to clarify: I wrote this the DAY I got back from California (two weeks ago) and was in the midst of grief. Of course, now I am adjusted back to the same old same old and it’s not that PROFOUNDLY MOVING ;). There are so many factors that make it UNLIKELY (not impossible) that I will return to live in CA and the truth is, you can’t go “home” again. This is something that hit me for the first time on this trip. So far, midlife for me is very clarifying–this was one of those “clarifying” moments.
Oh my word. This is exactly the melancholy I feel every time we return to Atlanta from Michigan. I moved on a whim… 20 years ago…If I had known it I’d never live there again, would I have made the same decision? Who lets a 22 year old decide things like that?!
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