THIS and That
Dear friends,
I owe many of you a great deal of thanks. Your e-mails and comments were and are so helpful to me. I don’t feel like going into details, but I will say that I am going through some stuff that is hard going and sometimes I am okay with it, and sometimes the fear and the unknown of it is all encompassing (hence the anxiety). For those of you who do deal with anxiety, you may also know that sometimes the pain of anxiety keeps you SO BUSY you don’t even know what SPECIFICALLY the anxiety is about. When I am in the throes of anxiety I need to ask: What am I telling myself? What am I resisting? When I let myself go on Wednesday, I was able to finally hear it: I didn’t know what to do and I was FIGHTING that WITH ALL MY MIGHT. I will tell you that after I admitted that pure fact to myself, something shifted in me and I have been a lot better the last few days. Amazingly, (and isn’t it the way?) a miracle floated in shortly thereafter giving me some answers for the meantime. This is what is so MYSTERIOUS about life–how things can seem so PURELY HORRIBLE one day and then something unexpected can shift the whole picture.
Thanks you for reading my snot-nosed, red-and-swollen-faced entry–and for holding me in it and sharing something of yourself. Another thing anxiety can produce is the feeling of airlessness and that you are completely alone in it. Thank you for reminding me that if I share it, I am not alone it. Thank you for reminding me, that I can breathe.
Love,
Summer
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I missed your previous post and just got caught up. I’m really happy to hear that you’re trudging your way through the muck and feeling a bit better. I ‘fight with all my might’ too, even though I always find that things are better when I don’t. Letting life unfold, even just a little bit, is so much harder to do but somehow works out better for me in the long run. I’m not sure if that’s something that could work for you but it sounds like you’re finding your truth in the moment and THAT is a great thing.
Best to you.
Summer, Thank YOU for sharing something so hard and so personal. It let’s me know that I’M not alone. Love, Jody
You are welcome. You are okay just the way you are.
I can’t give you a hug or say something ridiculous to make you laugh so i send you this song. She reminds me of you.
Hey, Summer. I’ve been taking some down time from the internet & have just checked in for the first time in about a week (or more? I don’t know – I kinda lose track of time when I spend it in the real world – which is nice). Anyway, my husband experiences anxiety often. We are gonna go see a DR soon, but he is worried that they are gonna put him on some kind of narcotic that will space him put. I told him I think there are other things they can do now, so here’s keeping my fingers crossed. I do find that goodness will find you when you need it most and expect it least. So, I hope the little smiles soon outweigh the big frowns. Happy Valentine’s Day!